Called my UT in Barbados this morning. I’ve been trying not to lose touch with the people I love, just because I’m in another island. I feel a little isolated here because much of my familiar support system is still in Barbados.
Last week I made sure to call one of my many extra mothers, Dawn. I’m always calling Oyadele, my cousin, because she’s like part of my support system and I depend on her.
When I was younger, I don’t think I quite understood why so many people took such an interest in making sure I succeeded in life. I never, understood why so many women, older women, loved me like one of their daughters. Now I really appreciate the amount of love in my life.
About the mothers and fathers, I think I have been very blessed. When I was in heaven, I asked for the parents I got. I chose them, because they were wounded and torn, damaged and so I could learn from their lives, what I needed to become the kind of woman I am becoming, so their falings and weaknesses could make me strong. They have also been guides of a sort but incompletely and they failed in some pretty fundamental ways. Although they love me greatly, neither one of them have the kind of emotional and spiritual strength to really give me the love and energy that I needed. So, when I was heaven, I asked for many mothers and many fathers.
UT and I have this totally cool relationship. Considering how it started, I have to say that I am shocked that he has become, well one of my most important and loving fathers.
UT, God bless him, was my mother’s best friend’s, boyfriend, later husband, later ex-husband. Then my sister-friend, Keffi, of my ‘Coffee Friday’ post, became lovers and he is the father of their two daughters, (Oingy Boingy and Vey-vuse of my ‘Goddess Babies’ post.)
So, when I first met UT, I didn’t like him. In fact I hated him for years. Why? Because he was the first man since my father (separated from my mother and not coming to see me) and grand-father (passed away) to ever actually take care of me. I spent a lot of time under his care as a child. I actually took a peverse kind of pleasure in bucking his authority as a child and I remember being distinctly rude to him too, torturing him from time to time. He was young, never had to deal with anyone my age before and he made some mistakes with me too, which naturally made things worse.
However, by the time I turned about 18 or so we kind of declared a hesitant truce. Somewhere in my twenties, when I rediscovered computers he and I really become friends. Our relationship became very supportive and loving and it has been one of the defining relationships of my twenties. I remembered how I looked over his shoulders when he wrote code and how through him computers and such were a subtle part of my childhood that lay the foundation for my growth in my later years. See these people effect you so subtly and one never expects it.
Quite literally, I don’t know I could have made it through without UT’s unflinching support. He’s the best kind of support because he isn’t afraid to kick me in my ass if I need it. He is one of the few men who have taken any kind of responsibility for helping and guiding me through my life.
As for my Mamis. They come frequently and I am never without one in my life regularly.
I have noticed that they are the ones who keep encouraging me, keep loving me and they do the job when my mother doesn’t have the tools. They also say things and do things that my mother won’t and doesn’t and I appreciate the Universe that sends these Goddesses to help me along my road. They too, kick me in the ass when I need it, but the love me unconditionally too and that means a lot to me.
I guess these people, this village of souls that have come forward and helped to and are still raising me (in every sense of the word) been there to pick up the slack when my mother and father didn’t. They were too wounded to do it alone and I am glad the Universe loved me enough to send me all the guides and teachers I could need.
It’s like the thing with the Goddess Babies. I am returning that energy, passing it along. I feel really connected to the Universe for that. I guess like we all do, sometimes you stumble and the the connection is lost and we fumble in the dark until we can make the connection again, but it never really goes anywhere, it’s always there for us to find it, we just need to develop acute nightvision as an evolutionary facet to our spirit selves.
The only way to receive is to give. I’ve been given to and it’s selfish to horde.
I will be one of those volunteer Mamis because the world needs people like us to love unconditionally as much as is humanly possible.
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