I am in transition and things are starting to move quickly. The end of something has come and gone, and I am making my way out of the crossroads. The road has opened before me and like I have declared before in this place and in my heart, in my mind and to all who will hear, I rise to meet the road.
It hasn’t been a literal crossroads, it has been firgurative as well. So there it is folks, a fait accompli. I have resigned, and am now no longer obligated to show up to work.
Yesterday was my last day of work. I am and have been bouncing around the office like Tigger, and yes my adventures with YMK have done much to put some bounce my ass, but a large portion of it is due to my escape from that place, and that now at long last, I am in motion.
I am quite euphoric about it all. Cautiously euphoric. Is there such a thing?
I have a palpable, real sense of release. That awful weight I’d been carrying around for years, and it increasing pressure during the two years since moving back to Trinidad, is gone. I feel freer, I feel prettier, sexier, capable, awake, alive and happy than I have in years and years.
I am happy to leaving yes, it’s true, but it’s bitter sweet like I’ve said and now that I’m down to the nitty gritty, it’s no less true. I shall miss my friends. I shall miss the Padawan, I shall miss YMK, I shall miss my colleagues at work and I shall miss my brothers and my father.
I never really miss my mother for some reason, because I have talked to her once or twice a week for the last ten or twelve years, even though we’ve rarely cohabited a space for longer than a few weeks.
I shall miss Trinidad! The urban island if ever there was one. I had many adventures here and go on to greater ones, but this is where my navel string is buried and my aching for this place will never cease.
Next year I want to come back for Carnival. I want to play mas in a band and if YMK is still here, I want to wine down on him and take him back to England with me.
I’m down to my last week here.
I am writing some stuff, but nothing I’m ready to share yet.
Tomorrow night, the the Padawan and SD1 are supposed to come over and hang out. It’s a supposed to be a manless thing, but there is Baileys, card games and a promise of Chinese checkers involved.
I am eager to lime.
YMK is off to hang with some friend this weekend, but we’re supposed to hook up on Monday afternoon and I’m having a garage sale on Saturday and Sunday to raise extra money.
Babies, Big Mami is busy. I’m busy and in a damn hurry, oui!