My life has changed. I’ve crossed over into some new territory; eerily familiar, yet distinctly different. I walk through this surreal landscape, sometimes confused, sometimes in complete concert. It is that that I hide, the confusion and the peace with it.
I am here to re-programme my life, my body and my spirit. I have been brought back to an embryonic stage, to begin again. I don’t mind this.
So much has changed, but like all change, the more it occurs it’s the more it all remains the same.
I love my life. The fluidity I am in is just what I needed, however even these days are coming to a close; I must seek out normalcy, and regularity, yet this time is both worrying and delicious.
My life has been in transition for months. Yet no matter how long one has to get used to the change, the CHANGE itself can be as welcome and confounding as all kinds of opposites and contrary emotions and action effect you. This change isn’t just that of picking up, casting off and travelling thousands of miles into the heart of Babylondon (to quote rentaempress).
For me it is a change within myself. I feel the strands of a new life, a new existence wrapping itself around me. I feel not just the call of city life, but that of Spirit calling me to greater responsibility in my spiritual life as well.
Last night, I read the Tarot for two friends back-to-back. Their readings were illuminating for them both and for that I am grateful. I am happy to offer them help as they are seeking guidance in their affairs, and the both got strong, strong messages. For me it was exhausting. I wonder how people read Tarot all day, four, five six in a day.
I was wiped out after and my throat was sore and tight. I understand what they mean when they say reading takes a lot of energy out of you.
Monilove and I, mirror each other in our desire to not only live a spiritual life, but to enter into a calling of spiritual work. It seems no accident to me that we have a similar interest in healing.
We are sisters. She is my Little Sister in every sense of the word. I suspect we have been thrown together for karmic reasons not completely revealed to either of us yet. Yet, like all the callings of Spirit, the sound of our Higher Selves meeting and meshing, resonates with somehow.
Greater work calls us both. Clearly. Maybe we are Sisters in part of this journey.
I am not exactly balking, and neither is she. We are both at the same point (in a way). We have both been through so much physical, mental and spiritual stress in recent years, that we’ve stepped away from the Path for a period of convalescence and escape. However, we both know that it cannot last forever. The time will come when neither can put off our dharmic duty for long.
I feel free. I am in such a fluid state that I find myself taking up my habit of observation and analysis. I feel so free! It’s a strange feeling. I look back on the last eighteen months of my life and see how weak I had become from the wicked plans of a jealous, self-absorbed, self important BITCH, that allowed people like the woman I called ‘Iya’ and the man I called ‘Baba’ were engaging in the low magic of manipulation and sought to control and use me for their own purposes, their own gain. I thank my Spirit Guides, my Orisa and my Guardian Angel for facilitating my narrow escape from the designs of my enemies.
I thank my own subconscious for pushing me into wakefulness, and the kindness of Astra for throwing open the windows in the darkened room my mind and Spirit had become.
I am grateful to my father, the rebel, the fighter, the revolutionary, the man who sired me and who now lives among the relics of his past and the substance of his broken dreams. My Papi, the metaphysician who swears he created a new form of human in myself and my brother, with the aid and collusion of my mother, has done his part. This trouble I have survived was his shot at redemption and I see how it has helped all of us.
My mother, who gave me wings and who fought the woman who I falsely called “Iya”, with the ferocity only a mother could have for the salvation of her child. My Mami, who never fought for me before, descended on the haggard old bitch and defended me. Both my Papi and my Mami fought for me, and for the first time unequivocally defeated my own questions of their loyalty and their support to and of me.
I am grateful for my Uncle H, who at the moment of the worst crisis, when the snares that the jealous bitch, that Poxy Cunt, threatened to keep me locked into the drama. It his lifelong knowledge and by the GRACE of Baba Esu, he who owns the crossroad I was at, who is the keeper of the Power (ASE) who released me.
I am grateful to my Mama Osun, who reached out and extended her protection to me. I am grateful to Baba Ogun who cleared the Path and who is fighting for me. I am grateful to all the forces that saved me, if only because they know I will fulfil their greatest hopes for me.
The Poxy Cunt and the damage she has done to my life, are already being dealt with. I couldn’t stop my laughter when I was told. I am Omo Osun, I laugh in the presence of my enemies and cry with happiness. However, I see why they tell people not to harm anyone, because all you send into the Universe returns to you ten fold.
I am glad I have spread love and light, because it is returning. The devilry created to torment me is returning to it’s source and as much as I laugh, I still have compassion for the afflicted. However, justice is being done in my name and my sympathy extends only so far.
What do they say? Osun wipes the blood of Her enemies on her face.
I guess I suffered too long under the yoke; I guess I cried too many tear, an ocean of tears for so long, that in the absence of the tension I am momentarily paused, waiting for my heartbeat to begin again.
I am free. I could never write it all and convey my relief.
I am falling in love.
I am still fighting it, but it is inexorable. It is that which cannot be denied as much as it cannot be admitted to in the absence of security. I wonder what is security and how much it really matters since it is all and illusion anyway.
I am relentlessly horny and all my body craves is him. I exude sexuality, yet with all the offers, the invitations to sample as many cups as are available, my palate is already in tune with one texture, one taste.
“It is because of you,” he said to me when I told him I thought he had begun to blossom and it was beautiful to me.
“It’s because of you,” he repeated. “You’ve made me into a better man. He doesn’t know how much he has made me into a better woman.
“I’m coming up there soon, don’t worry,” he keeps assuring me.
I still worry. I worry and ache with missing him, and wonder how much my life as changed, that when I had given up home of salvation, of love and the gaining purchase against the Storm . It was all I had prayed for and it seems like all my prayers went unanswered.
Now I know all my prayers are being answered. All I can do is submit to the will of God in my life. God is right, like life is right and I don’t regret even the Poxy Cunt, because without the friction she provided my growth would not have been nearly as meaningful.
I am simply grateful. Thankful for my blessings, because now, for the first time the weight I have lived with is gone.
My mother is healing, my father has done his duty, my brother is in chrysalis having escaped death without a scratch. We have all been blessed. So love your struggle no matter how hard it is babies.
Simon and Garfunkel said it, I am doing it, “Sail on silver girl, sail on by; Your time has come to shine; All your dreams are their way; See how they shine….”
Me, all my dreams are on their way. I see their iridescence and light coming closer and closer and this time, no one can stop it, no one can block it and by God I am ready.