Last night I dreamt I had a little sister, and another brother.
It was kind of strange. They were my father’s children, and my grandmother, that is, my mother’s mother, knew about it the whole time, and kept us ignorant of each other.
Turns out, at least in the dream, that this woman I remember from the days when I was a Catholic, was their older sister. She knew as well, and colluded with my grandmother to keep it a secret.
She was Trinidadian also, but had moved to Barbados. The brother and sister, were her mother’s children with my father, but she had different father.
I was about five years older than my sister, and a couple years older than my brother. (Which would have made my father an adulterous so and so, but hey, is a West Indian man, oui?)
When I finally found out, I confronted my grandmother. My mother was furious, I was furious, my brother (the one I grew up with and cuss about, and love unconditionally) just sat there like Buddah.
My grandmother gave all kinds of bullshit excuses about why she never told us the truth, but all of them fell hollow, and shapeless.
I was very angry with her.
I was also determined to find this brother and sister.
I went with my brother, and we had to go to the beach to find them, and I think it was Trinidad we went to.
When we got there, it was this lovely old stone house, you know the kind, maybe you don’t. Built about sixty years ago, high up on blocks made of washed, smoothed, eroded stone, The walls of the house were yellow and stained with the salty sea air, and it was nestled in between manchineel (sp?) trees.
We climbed the stairs, and their older brother was there. Our brother had gone walking down the beach, but the little sister was there. When we explained who we were and why we had come, we hugged and cried and sat and talked.
For me it was most special, because I’ve always wanted a true blood sister.
In the end, all of us walked down to the sea shore, to look for the little brother. The little sister was such a bright spark, a free spirited girl. She looked at me and said, “I’ll race you!” And she and I took off.
Just before we hit the wave line, we both stopped at the same point, yelled out “Jinx” and broke into peals of breathless laughter. We hugged each other, and I told her I was glad to find her, she said she was glad to be found, even though she had no idea she was being sought.
NOTE: I just do not understand how vivid my dreams have been over the last six months.