lj-mood: tired but happy
lj-music: Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Where are the blues? Where are those ‘Baby Blues’?
They said I was supposed to be feeling depressed, sad right about now. I don’t know, I feel great. I am actually busy with the little man, busy with work and feeling pretty wonderful right about now.
I’ve had odd experiences, I won’t lie.
The baby’s father made fleeting contact that didn’t seem to me to really be the little boy, and more to do with trying to probe and see how vulnerable I was feeling. HA! Has Big Mami seen one red cent to help upkeep my growing boy? Uhhh… no. Just rhetoric of one sort or another that I was simply not interested in. What’s more, I’ve not been reduced to emotional responses to his forays, I’ve just focused on the only really important factor: My SON!
I feel really empowered. Giving birth and having my son now, it feels like I’ve done something for the first time in my life. I feel like I accomplished something amazing, and no one can take it away from me. It’s pride, yes. Pride in my beautiful son, pride in myself for having gotten through the whole experience and emerged on the other side.
Yet, there are moments when I am utterly humbled by my son. Moments when I have no flicking idea what the ass I am doing. Shocked at how much I don’t know about babies and in particular, this baby; my baby. This is normal, and we’ve been getting to know each other over the last three and half weeks.
Its been cool. I’m amazed by my son… that I made him. That he’s here and has his own personality and that he needs me… I am simply awed by the experience.
I know I am going to blink and he’s going to be a man and I am going to miss and wish for these days to come back, so I am just enjoying the experience as much as I can before it changes into something else.
OlaOmi told me that you know? She said not to worry, that motherhood would empower me beyond the misery of my pregnancy. She was so right… I feel better than I have in years.
I still need some more sleep though…